Have you ever been to that party that was broken up because of some dumbass? Yeah, I just was.

I don't party. Ever. Mostly because I don't know people and I'm not comfertable going up and talking to people. But this time, it was a Halloween party and a lot of my friends were going. So why not? I was a pirate :] Anyways, we came a little later, but there were at least 100 people there. It was freaking huge! Screw all the people. I noticed one. Just one. HOLY CRAP. He was doing a video for the actual party and he was just gorgeous. Not my normal type but there was just some aura coming off him that just made me go "BAM, wow" you know? Like the lights dimmed everywhere else. He talked to me a few times. Lightweight flirted... Then apologized because he had a girlfriend -.- Lame. His mom was the owner of the house, and she told me that he's a natural flirt and he thought I was pretty, but he does have a serious girlfriend. Yeah, and where was she? I would not let a boy THAT flirtacious and that gorgeous out of my sight. For reals. Anyways, after that, I kept seeing the guy walking around, but it wasn't him. For one, he didn't have a mohawk. That was pretty much it so I thought "huh, twins?" The party stopped when one of my friends got his blunt stolen THEN got punched in the face. The losers that started it were escourted out, then they continued to fight by shooting guns. Real cool guys. Everyone left but me and my friends since we were frends of the owner, and since my friend was HIT IN THE FACE and about to go shoot some people. After about 2 hours of chilling and calming down... And making sure the losers left, we went to leave. And I ran into Mr. I don't have a mohawk.

Me: "Uh, excuse me. Are there two of you?"
Non-Mohawk Guy: "We're neighbors."
Gina (house owner): "They're cousins."
Non-Mohawk Guy: "Yeah, but I'm more fun."

After which I SHOULD HAVE said "prove it" or something equally provacative or cute. Nope, I just smiled and laughed because I'm an idiot. Continuing with the mohawk guy with a girlfriend coming out.

Me: -pulls the boys next to each other-
Mohawk Guy: "We're neighbors."
Me: "Yeah, I heard that one before. Are you SURE you're not more than neighbors?"
Mohawk Guy: "I'm not sure, but I bet you're gonna go to bed tonight thinking about weather or not we're more than neighbors."
Non-Mohawk Guy: "Naw, she's gonna go to bed thinking about me."

To which I smiled and laughed. BECAUSE I'M MENTALLY CHALLENGED! Jesus I just had one of the hottest guys I've ever seen in my life pretty much handed to me on a silver platter. I quit life. (I did get his name...)

All in all.... GO FOR IT! I don't care if he was flirting to be nice, I should have just gone for it cause SHIT he was hot and really nice and his eyes. Oh man. Don't get me started on those green eyes. Wooooow.

I wrote this back in May 2007. As I said, this blog is for me to just be like "BLAH". And plus, I'm sick of keeping everything secret. Someday, I want to write a book. I don't really care if anyone reads it or if no one reads it. But you know how there's books everywhere about "My battle with an addiction." Why aren't there books of "My battle with someone that has an addiction."? Because when you're addicted to drugs or alcohol or whatever, the people that love you go through a shitload of hell during the process too. I've kinda been surrounded by drugs my whole life without ever doing anything (beyond certain green plants) hard core. I've noticed something and this is what I wrote. (Bare with me... I don't write poetry ever.)

When you involuntarily spend half of your life in crackhouses... They tend to seem all the same.

The same look.
The same mess.
The same god awful smell.
The same inhabitants.
The same looks on faces.
The same boxes of nameless shit.
The same animals.
The same dead grass.
The same thoughts.
The same questions.
The same skin crawling feeling.
The same speeded conversations.
The same looks you see when dope is brought out.
The same clicking of the lighter.
The same locking of the screen door. (The one that's broken from the last police raid)
The same paranoia.
The same everything.
I hate it.

The reason I couldn't put this up on myspace is mostly because my sister is the one that's heavily introduced me into this oh so wonderful world of fun drugs that not only fuck you up physically but mentally and emotionally as well. This is all just my observations from the outside. I've gotten a lot of critisizm from the way I view drugs and the way I hate them so much. I've been told that I can't fully appriciate something unless I try it myself. Well news flash. I don't want to appriciate drugs. I've been through wayyyy too much with wayyy too many people to ever want to do drugs. Plus, not everyone goes off the deep end. Just the ones close to me. Pfft.

But yeah. That's one of my handfuls of poems. I only write when I can't sleep because the words come to me. Mostly it's about stupid ass boys that break my heart (all of which have been involved with drugs). This is the one exception. I guess it's more of a prayer that people stop it. I'm not really religious. I go to church (Catholic) on Sunday sometimes to make my grandmother happy. But I do believe that if you wish hard enough... It might happen. Maybe. I dunno. If you believe in either, I would appriciate you praying for my sister. I'll probably write more about her later. And maybe some of you can give me advice. I'm more at the point of "I don't care anymore." You'll see.

I literally just finished my last entry. I apologize. I won't write this much again. Promise. But I read someone else's blog and got started on this.

A few months ago, I attended the Greek Festival before work near my house. It was free and I hadn't eaten lunch yet so I decided to stop by really quick. While walking through the crowded area, a young girl knocked into me. I would say around the age of 11. It was clearly an accident due to the fact that there are about a billion people there. I was about to turn around and apologize, when the girl goes, "EXCUSE YOU! How fucking rude bitch." And kept walking on. I was honestly so surprised that an 11ish girl said that, that I couldn't turn around and PUNCH HER IN THE FACE! I actually sat down and was like "did she really just say that, or am I imagining things?" Maybe it was because I was brought up in a Greek/Hawaiian/Redneck/Catholic family (Oh boy, I'm screwed for life there), but I have way more respect then it seems people have. For one, I'm nineteen years old and I can't even say "hell" in front of my parents without feeling uncomfertable. I can't swear in front of adults and I tend to be more quiet. It's not because I can't say anything, it's because that was how I was taught. Even people I don't know, I will still respect you on an age level. And holy hell, I didn't swear when I was 11!

Is it just me, or is this new generation coming up a bunch of little assholes? I work with kids and some of them are definatly going to be handfuls in a few years, but they're not as bad as the kids I meet out in public. Is there even hope for us in a few years? If you think this world is violent now, how violent will it be when the "how fucking rude bitch" grows up. I know I'm terrified.